7:29pm: I’ve finished my cup of ice cream and have fired up my laptop. Now I’m sitting with friends in the Weber’s basement struggling to watch the season finale of The Bachelor. Some gal (Molly?) is playing with the dude’s kid. This kid’s going to be spoiled.
Molly asks the kid his age. He’s 3. She’s not that much older than her it seems.
Another commercial break. I think this is the 3 one in 30 minutes.
7:36pm: Still more commercials. It’s almost as boring as the show itself.
7:37pm: Blah blah blah. Talking with the parents. This gal’s not going to win. The Family’s Just Not that into You. The family’s asking her questions as if it’s an interview. Your son is on a reality show…. AGAIN! No matter which way you slice it, it’s an empty relationship.
7:44pm: Jason’s crying. (cry baby!) Mom is basically explaining to her son how this stupid game works for extra drama.
7:46pm: Some crap from Jason about falling in love with 2 women at once.
7:53pm: During the commercial break, I did a quick Google Image search and found out how much of a “man-whore” this Jason guy is. I made a collage.
7:55pm: Swimming in the ocean… in the rain… in the cold water. Any excuse to have swimsuits and half naked bodies. Oh… some lame “shower scene”. My friends and I have a saying that “every good movie has a shower scene.” This doesn’t count. Period.
Ugh. 2 hours and 5 minutes to go. Thank you laptop and internet. Thank you for keeping me company during this trying time.
8:00pm: Sarah asked if the blog had video. She said I should create a video of all of Jason’s kisses. No need! YouTube’s already got one:
8:03pm: Wha? Huh? For the small percentage of the American population that are male AND are forced by their ladies to watch this ridiculous show, a Watchmen trailer was shown.
8:05pm: Come on ABC! It’s been 10 minutes since bikinis and topless Jason. Oh…. never mind. Obvious spa date. No professional massage therapists… No point. Babies aren’t made that way.
8:09pm: Gag reflexes in full force. Some sort of love story book was hand made. More kissing. More reading… followed by more kissing. This book is going to be burned when hearts are eventually broken.
8:19pm: Surprise! The chica from the last season arrived. She’s giving her script she no doubt talked about with the producers. The offer for a third woman to make out with is now on the table. Take it, Jason! Go to a spa or something… Quick.
Oh. No. “I found two girls I’m completely falling for.” She’s giving him some Hallmark wisdom. Blah blah blah. I think she threw out every cliché in the book.
8:32pm: “Being in love with two women sucks.” The eternal struggle of men all over the world. Possibly the worst quote ever. Sheesh.
8:40pm: We’re back from the umpteenth commercial break. It looks like he’s dumping someone. What I really want to see if the scene where he cries over a balcony. That would be awesome.
Molly’s here. She’s getting the big dumper, I’m sure of it. And this is coming from a guy who could care less about this show.
He’s lavishing compliments on her. Atta boy. Build her up before droppin’ her!
BOOM! The hammer drops. Awkward moments. He’s getting teary. She’s so mad right now. Cry more, Jason. That’ll help. He’s going to get a junk punch.
Why would they walk hand in hand together? More drama.
8:46pm: I think this is where Jason cries like a little baby. Yep. Cry yourself to sleep tonight on your HUGE pillah!
8:58pm: Here we go. After 1 hour and 58 minutes we’ve FINALLY gotten to the end of the show. Wow. She’s an oddball. Well… maybe not an oddball. She did JUST become an adult on her last birthday after all.
9:00pm: Come on… let’s get to the reunion stuff so that we can all realize how disappointing this show is.
9:03pm: “…out of respect for the parties involved, we chose to keep the taping as intimate as possible.” Bleh. Whatever. Without an audience, there’s an awkward silence in the room. More crying.
He just admited that they’re not right for each other. How can that be? They spent 16 days sort of together with a film crew and a bunch of other women. How could this not work? This is THE BACEHLOR for crying out loud. The formula works! To find true love! This Jason guy just isn’t playing by the rules. And now he wants to be with the other women.
The rash that this show induces in my body is at full strength right now.
Here’s my guess: the producers told Jason that after every question, to count to 5 in his head first before answering. Better TV that way.
9:15pm: Blah blah blah. He’s dragging out the big dump! She knows. You can see it in her body language. She’s fake crying and NOT wearing the ring. Fake drama.
“I can’t control my head.” Another brilliant quote from Jason.
“You’re such a b@st@rd.” Truer words have never been spoken. This show’s going the way of the Jerry Springer show.
9:25pm: More man-tears.
9:44pm: Ugh. It’s still going on. Now the second gal is on and they’re talking empty-talk.
Hugh (who’s sitting next to me) says Jason is a lying liar. I agree. Could this show just end, please?
RAWR!!!! The dialog is just a continuous stream of bad love clichés. I’m done. This blog post is over. Normally I apologize for the waste of time you encountered reading this dribble, but I’m not because I spent 3 hours watching exponentially more dribble.
Good night!